


your eyes say everything

by Megakatze (LaufeiaEvans)



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Dungeons & Dragons References, Egregious Abuse of Emojis, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nerd Logan, Neurodivergent Logan, Nonspeaking Logan, Texting, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaufeiaEvans/pseuds/Megakatze
Summary: Logan Wright never bothered to correct people on the assumption that he was deaf. It was easier to go along with it than to attempt to explain why he never spoke aloud. But when a misunderstanding leads to a confession he wasn't meant to hear, the truth will have to come out in one way or another.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong/John Logan Wright III, background Micah Randall/Shane Anderson/Reed Van Kamp, background Sebastian Smythe/Han Westwood, brief Logan & Derek, past Logan & Tweedles
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	your eyes say everything

**Author's Note:**

> Writing Prompt: For most of college everyone thought you were deaf when in reality you just don't like talking and learned sign language at a young age. You never corrected anyone until someone confessed their love for you, thinking you couldn't hear them.
> 
> This evolved into an absolute behemoth.

It had been a bit of a shock to Logan, the first time someone tried to get his attention by waving their hand in front of his face. But when he looked up, startled, and noted the way they spoke slowly, exaggerating the movement of their lips, he realized what was happening. Smiling a little to himself, he had nodded along, responding to the simple question with his signature silent hand gestures. Satisfied with his reply, the person in question had turned back to the group, letting Logan once again retreat to the corner of the room where he could observe the gathering in silence.

He never bothered to correct anyone on the assumption that he was deaf. It was easier that way, it turned out—few people wondered about why he never spoke when they assumed he couldn’t hear them. He found that to be a much simpler story than attempting to explain why he preferred not to use his voice. It didn’t feel right, getting into his struggles with his mental health, his childhood trauma, or the dozens of medications that had made it so difficult to tell where the side effects ended and his true personality began. Part of the reason he’d gone to school so far away had been to get away from all that. So if his new classmates wanted to assume that he didn’t speak because he couldn’t, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to prove them wrong.

It wasn’t as though it was a difficult act to keep up, either. He already preferred to remain on the sidelines, and much to his surprise, his small group of friends didn’t seem to mind at all. They had no issues with letting him watch from afar until the conversation called for his involvement, and when he did choose to participate, they were more than happy to accommodate him as best they could. A few even learned some sign language, and while Logan himself was far from fluent, he had picked up enough from his childhood friends and their Deaf older sister to be able to carry on a short conversation.

Somehow, despite his new reserved nature, Logan had found his tribe. He had friends—quite a large group of them at that—and he felt like they accepted him as he was, even if they didn’t know his full story. It worked for him. It was easy.

That is, until he met Julian.

Contrary to what the others tended to assume, Logan _could_ hear. He had a tendency to listen along to conversations even when he wasn’t being deliberately included, focused on a book or his laptop instead of pretending to read everyone’s lips. That was how he ended up learning of the handsome new transfer student before ever meeting the man.

“I think his name’s _Julian_ ,” Kendra remarked, her tongue curling around the name. She reclined in her seat, brushing her cropped red hair back out of her face. Leaf, the tall brunet sitting across the table, nodded contemplatively.

“What’s he study?” they asked in a gravelly voice.

Kendra shrugged. “Some kind of art, maybe? He was with Reed when I saw him. I think they were coming from the arts building.”

“And now you’re in love with him.”

“Listen!” Kendra sat up, her hands flailing wildly. “When I say—listen. He’s _gorgeous._ And I don’t mean like, kinda cute. I mean _supermodel_ gorgeous.”

Leaf nodded again, smirking a little. “Did you even talk to the guy?”

“I…heard him talking,” she muttered. “He seemed nice! And his _voice_ , god.”

Leaf just snickered. “Kendra’s voice kink strikes again,” they muttered.

“And look, not that I was being _creepy_ ,” Kendra went on as if there had been no interruption. “But he had this _fantastic_ ass. I mean like…my _god.”_

“Hm,” Leaf said quietly. They paused a moment, twirling a strand of hair around a black-painted fingernail. “You’re sure he’s into girls?”

Kendra spluttered a little.

“I’m just saying,” Leaf said with a grin. “Theatre major with a nice ass? And you describe him as _pretty_?”

She shot them a withering glare. “Shut up,” she muttered.

It wasn’t long before Logan got to see for himself what all the fuss was about. Julian tagged along to their next study session in the dorm common room, invited by Reed, and from Logan’s best guess he appeared to be flirting with just about everyone there. Kendra nearly choked to death when he shook her hand with a suave smile, and Logan had to hold back a snicker. It seemed this new boy was quite the charmer.

But then Julian turned to introduce himself to Logan, and suddenly it all started to make sense.

He was _beautiful_. That much was obvious from first glance, but up close, Logan noticed the fullness of his lips, the way his dark hair fell around his face in soft waves. He grinned in that same charming way, giving Logan a little wave, and Logan blinked owlishly in response. It took him a moment to realize that Julian had said something.

“Oh, Logan’s deaf,” supplied Ryan helpfully. The tiny blue-haired girl sitting to his left seemed to be the only one in the room not captivated by the new student’s enchanting presence. Julian glanced over to her, nodding slowly with understanding. Logan bit his lip.

“Logan, is it?” Julian said, a little slower. Logan nodded. He forced a polite smile. Julian returned it. “Okay. Well, nice to meet you, Logan.”

He accompanied the greeting with a slightly awkward attempt at sign language. Logan’s eyes widened in surprise, and he laughed incredulously. Julian grinned, and Logan could have sworn he saw him wink before turning away.

As Julian continued around the rest of the circle, Logan heard Ryan snort under her breath. She nudged his arm gently until he turned to look at her.

“Somebody’s got a crush,” she mouthed silently. Logan’s face folded in confusion, but when he realized what she was trying to say, he rolled his eyes.

 _No,_ he signed, perhaps a little more aggressively than was warranted. Before she could say anything else, he turned away, digging out a notebook and beginning to look over his notes.

Unfortunately, Kendra had been right in her initial assessment of Julian. His voice _was_ nice, and as much as Logan typically tried to at least pretend to ignore spoken conversations, he suddenly found it very difficult to tune this one out. When Julian started chatting with Reed’s partner about their shared acting class, Logan repeatedly caught himself staring, his eyes fixed on Julian’s mouth.

He realized about a moment too late when Julian noticed.

“Oh,” he said, a little surprised, and Logan felt his face heating up. He was about to duck back down to his notebook when he realized Julian was talking to him. “I’m sorry, do you need me to like…sit a certain way, or anything? You read lips, right?”

All eyes were on Logan now, and he glanced around the room nervously, swallowing hard. He looked back at Julian, shaking his head a little.

“It’s okay,” Reed said, mercifully cutting in on Logan’s behalf. “He usually just stays off to the side. We’ll get his attention if we need to.”

“He doesn’t mind,” Ryan added helpfully, angling her face a little so Logan could see her lips. “But thanks for your concern.”

Julian smiled a little, eyes still fixed on Logan. Logan’s breath caught in his throat. He made a vague gesture in Ryan’s direction, indicating that he agreed. Julian’s smile widened.

“Okay,” he said, very slowly turning back to Shane.

Logan spent the rest of the study session with his eyes focused carefully on his notes. He could still feel the warmth in his face, knew that his cheeks had to be _bright_ red right now. At one point, Ryan nudged him gently to sign _You okay?_ He nodded hastily, not meeting her eyes, though he was still keenly aware of the look of amusement on her face before she turned back to the group.

When they finally disbanded for the night, Logan was one of the first to leave. He packed up his things quickly, not looking at anyone in the room, and hurried off down the hall before anyone even had the chance to say goodbye. He could vaguely hear Julian saying something quietly to Ryan, who laughed a little and reassured him that “that’s just how he is sometimes. He’s fine.” Logan tried not to think about that too much.

He reached his room and quickly closed the door behind him, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt like a mess. He wasn’t usually like this—sure, he tended to avoid most face-to-face interactions, but he’d never felt _this_ awkward just from being in the same room as someone else. It wasn’t like this was the first attractive boy he’d ever met, either. He’d had plenty of crushes before. Hell, he used to be something of a flirt, back when he’d been comfortable actually talking to people out loud. It must have been because he was out of practice, he told himself. He was used to hanging out with people he would never be interested in like that. It had just been too long since anyone had even vaguely registered as an option.

Sighing heavily, he tossed his bag on the floor and flopped down on his bed. At least he was done for the night, he thought. After study group, Logan and a few of the others had a standing appointment with their Discord-based Dungeons and Dragons campaign. It was a nice way for him to unwind at the end of the day, still hanging out with friends without the pressure of meeting in person.

And, in this case, without the pressure of being around a distractingly attractive stranger.

Reclining back against his stack of pillows, Logan flipped over to the Discord app, where a few of them were already chatting out of character while they waited for their Dungeon Master. He flicked through the messages, skimming over just enough to get the gist of the conversation before jumping in.

**Satoru:** I mean, if you really want to talk about pigeonholing…

 **Leafeon:** listen

 **Leafeon:** don’t call me out like this.

 **Make America Dance Again:** ur name is literally LEAF

 **Leafeon:** im playing a fighter!!

 **It’s All Gucci:** For the first time all year!

 **Leafeon:** DRUIDS ARE FUN OK

 **Make America Dance Again:** ur valid

 **It’s All Gucci:** No one said it was a bad thing!

 **Gretel:** eh

 **Leafeon:** im being attacked

 **Make America Dance Again:** cmon guys

 **Make America Dance Again:** leaf them alone

Logan snorted. Shane’s message was promptly flooded with angry emojis, which Logan happily added to. Shane simply replied with a grinning face, to which Reed responded with an eye roll. Just as Logan was about to type out a response, though, their main game chat lit up with a message from the DM.

**Aragorn (DM):** Alright, get in here.

Almost immediately, the group shifted focus.

**Aragorn (DM):** Roll call for tonight?

 **Make America Dance Again:** Oraleigh reporting for duty!

 **It’s All Gucci:** Lomnaerika is here.

 **Gretel:** nalaea’s in

 **Leafeon:** what up I’m uru and I never fuckin learned how to read

 **Satoru:** Nowhere is in. Drew can’t make it tonight, he’s got practice.

 **lax bro art ho:** Catboy has arrived!

Logan scoffed at that. He had been hoping Sebastian wasn’t planning on joining them that night. He typed out a quick greeting, which Han ignored in favor of replying to Sebastian.

**Aragorn (DM):** @lax bro art ho Are you going to choose an actual name for your character?

 **lax bro art ho:** @TheCaterpillar Cats and boys are both found in nature. It’s a valid Tabaxi name.

 **Gretel:** for fuck’s sake

 **Aragorn (DM):** …fine.

 **lax bro art ho:** 😽

Logan rolled his eyes. He was glad they weren’t doing this in person. Sebastian was insufferable at the best of times, but it was hard to make an argument for kicking him out of the group considering he was dating their DM. Over text, though, it was easy enough to ignore his side comments once they got the game going. Logan resisted the urge to make a snappy remark, and instead settled in as Han set the scene for the night’s adventure.

Surprisingly enough, the decision to host their DnD games on Discord rather than in person hadn’t been because of Logan. Han was even more of a social recluse than he was—Logan could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen the man in person—and had started the server with Reed and Shane before Logan had even met them. Leaf had ultimately been the one to invite Logan, enthusiastically declaring that he would “love this nerd shit.” Logan pointedly remarked that they were clearly also into that “nerd shit,” but Leaf simply replied with a tongue-out emoji and sent him the invite link.

Leaf had, unfortunately, been right: Logan did quite enjoy that nerd shit. More than that, though, he liked being a part of a group that mainly communicated over text. While he was usually fine with hanging out on the sidelines, Logan did like to chat with his friends sometimes, and their many group chats were his preferred method of doing so. Between the DnD server, their dorm floor GroupMe, and the study group chat, Logan had more than enough opportunities to converse without ever having to use his voice.

As an additional bonus, this setup proved especially useful in making his next encounter with Julian significantly less awkward.

Logan wasn’t all that surprised when he woke up one morning to find that an unfamiliar number had been added to the study group chat. He did get a rather strange feeling in his chest when he received the “hey, its julian 😎” text, which he promptly tried to ignore. The rest of the group introduced themselves, and Logan joined in, adding a waving emoji after his name. He set his phone down while he got dressed for the day, and by the time he came back to it, they had already resumed their earlier conversation as if Julian had been there the whole time.

**Leaf:** anyway, glinda/elphaba supremacy bro

 **Ryan:** Oh for sure.

 **Leaf:** fuck anyone who says wicked is for the straights

Logan chuckled, quickly typing out a reply with one hand.

**Logan:** Have you read the book? They’re literally gay.

 **Micah:** Absolutely.

 **Micah:** Like it’s right there in the text.

 **Leaf:** bold of you to assume I can read

 **Reed:** Didn’t they sleep together at some point? I feel like that happened.

 **Logan:** Not sexually, but yeah.

 **Ryan:** Yeah they were almost definitely written to be lovers.

 **Shane:** the author’s gay right?

 **Logan:** Yes.

 **Shane:** well there you have it

The conversation paused for a moment, when suddenly there was a reply from Julian.

**Julian:** hold on

 **Julian:** is everyone here gay?

Logan froze. He remembered what Leaf had said about Julian probably not being interested in girls, but it occurred to him that no one had bothered to confirm. He suddenly felt rather uneasy, until a reply came in from Kendra.

**Kendra:** shit, we forgot to do the thing.

 **Kendra:** hi, yes, we’re all gay as shit. Kendra, bi-furious, she/her pronouns.

Soon enough, the rest of them began to reply as well.

**Leaf:** also bi, they/them

 **Ryan:** I’m a lesbian. She/her.

 **Shane:** I’m pan, any pronouns are fine :D

 **Micah:** Gay. He/him.

Logan swallowed hard before typing out his own response.

**Logan:** Same. Gay, he/him.

He held his breath until he received Julian’s reply.

**Julian:** damn

 **Julian:** I know they say we tend to flock

 **Julian:** but damn

 **Reed:** I already told you I’m bi 😋

 **Julian:** yeah but you didn’t say all ur friends were too

 **Ryan:** Excuse me, I’m not bi.

 **Julian:** shit

 **Julian:** I mean

 **Julian:** well u know what I mean

 **Ryan:** 😉

 **Julian:** anyway I’m bi, he/him

 **Julian:** 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Logan’s breath came out in a rush. So Leaf was _almost_ right. Julian wasn’t straight, at least. He tried to ignore the small glimmer of hope he felt at that realization. Just because Julian was interested in guys, it didn’t mean he was necessarily interested in _Logan._

Shaking the thought out of his head, Logan started to type a reply, but Shane beat him to it.

**Shane:** welcome to the club! we meet wednesdays at 6

 **Kendra:** …to do gay things?

 **Shane:** :)

 **Leaf:** stop trying to drag other ppl into ur polycule

 **Reed:** Leaf!

 **Shane:** oh u know u want this

 **Micah:** Please stop.

Logan chuckled under his breath, shaking his head as he closed out of his messaging app. His friends were great, but sometimes they could be a bit much. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a pair of headphones and slipped them on.

He’d nearly blown his own accidental cover story the first time someone in their friend group saw him listening to music, but before they had a chance to question him about it, Ryan had cut in rather haughtily and explained that many deaf people could still enjoy music depending on what frequencies they were able to hear. It was almost funny how often other people wound up unknowingly lying on his behalf, Logan thought. He felt bad, sometimes, but he reasoned that it didn’t seem like he was hurting anyone by going along with it. Besides, he’d never actually _said_ he was deaf. People just assumed. As far as Logan was concerned, that was on them.

He walked to class, as usual, with his head down, letting himself get lost in the music. The campus was big enough that he was unlikely to run into anyone he knew, and most of them were kind enough not to bother him anyway. By the time he reached the hall for his morning lecture, he was pretty much on autopilot, and it took him until he’d nearly reached his usual seat to register that it was currently taken.

By Julian.

His breath caught in his throat. He stared, frozen in place for a moment before he realized his music was still blaring. He reached for his headphones, removing them slowly without taking his eyes off Julian. It wasn’t until someone loudly cleared their throat behind him that Julian looked up, noticing Logan for the first time.

“Oh, hey,” Julian said with a small smile, and then, catching himself, he added a little wave. Logan was about to wave back when he realized Julian was nodding behind him, and he turned to see a very irate-looking student trying to get through. Logan’s face flushed. He stumbled past Julian—past _his_ seat, thank you very much—and hurriedly scoped out an alternate place to sit.

Logan was still feeling a little flustered by the time the professor began the lesson. He knew, of course, that lecture seats weren’t exactly _assigned_ , but after having sat in the same spot for the last month or so, he was more than a little annoyed to find it occupied now.

Of course, his annoyance was somewhat overshadowed by his surprise at seeing Julian in the first place.

Had he always been in this class? Sure, it was a huge class, but Logan felt like he would have certainly noticed before now. Of course, he did have a tendency to keep his head down during lectures, and he rarely stuck around long enough to take note of who else was there. Perhaps he just hadn’t seen Julian until he’d been right in Logan’s space. Logan stared blankly at the wall, barely registering the professor’s voice until a buzzing in his jacket pocket pulled him out of his thoughts.

Doing his best to be discreet, he slid his phone onto his lap, blinking in surprise when he saw a new text from Julian. It wasn’t to the group chat, but to Logan directly, and when he opened it he nearly laughed out loud.

**Julian:** does this guy look like gandalf or what?

Logan looked up at the professor. He did look notably similar to Gandalf, a fact which more than one person had already pointed out to Logan. He glanced around quickly before ducking his head to tap out a reply.

**You:** Oh totally.

He paused for a moment before adding a second message.

**You:** I wouldn’t have pegged you for a LOTR fan though.

A few seconds later, Julian’s reply came in, making Logan’s heart skip a beat.

**Julian:** 😜

He carefully glanced over to the side, spotting Julian out of the corner of his eye. He was grinning down at his phone, which was sitting on top of a blank notebook. No one around him seemed to notice or care. Logan ducked his head back down to his own phone, which was just lighting up with another text.

**Julian:** wouldn’t have pegged you for a greek drama fan 🧐

Logan chuckled. He supposed that was fair.

**You:** I’m a Classics minor. It seemed like a fun choice.

 **Julian:** oh damn

 **Julian:** major?

 **You:** Political Science.

He grimaced a little, typing it out. It hadn’t been his choice, really, but he had few other options when starting school. His plan so far had been to avoid it as much as possible by loading up on electives, which had eventually led him to an unofficial double minor in Classics and Philosophy. It gave him something to focus on, at least.

**Julian:** interesting combo

 **Julian:** im performing arts and english 🎭

 **Julian:** hence the dramas

Logan smiled. He remembered Julian’s earlier conversation with Shane about their dance class. Performing Arts certainly seemed to suit him.

**You:** An actor, then? Or are you more into the literature side?

 **Julian:** actor

 **Julian:** with some singing

 **Julian:** tho I like writing too, hence english

 **Julian:** why classics?

The flurry of messages caught Logan a little off guard, and he hesitated a moment before typing out an answer.

**You:** I like reading, I guess. And I took Latin in high school.

 **Julian:** that makes sense

 **Julian:** bet you liked the books better huh? 🤓

He chuckled a little under his breath. Julian was right, of course, though perhaps not for the reasons he was thinking.

**You:** LOTR? Naturally.

 **You:** There’s more content there too.

He paused a moment, unsure if he’d misjudged exactly how deep Julian’s nerdy interests went. But he was pleasantly surprised by his response.

**Julian:** tragically have not read the silmarillion yet 😔

Logan couldn’t stop smiling through the rest of the lecture. He barely paid attention, although he knew the slides would be posted by the end of the day so it didn’t worry him too much. He and Julian chatted about Lord of the Rings lore until it was time to leave, and then they continued chatting, the conversation flowing easily from their favorite books to their other classes to the clubs Julian was thinking of joining. It was probably the longest one-on-one conversation Logan had had since high school, and to his surprise, he was thoroughly enjoying it.

It didn’t stop there, either. Over the next few weeks, Julian texted Logan fairly regularly, and Logan found himself answering during classes far more frequently than usual. Julian was interesting—he was into a lot of the same things Logan was, as it turned out, and while he wasn’t quite as much of a nerd he didn’t seem at all put off by Logan’s more niche hobbies. He asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in the answers, and Logan found himself typing out paragraphs at a time with his thoughts on everything from homosexuality in Ancient Greek literature to the evolution of the DC Extended Universe. That part, at least, Julian seemed to know something about—he was apparently a big fan of The Flash, although he’d been clear about the fact that he preferred Marvel. Still, they had enough in common to keep a conversation going, and Logan found he actually liked texting Julian one-on-one.

They still had study group, of course. Julian became a regular fixture after that first meeting, and while Logan continued to stay mostly on the sidelines, he did start to follow along with conversations a bit more frequently. It was a little exhausting, sometimes, even without considering how he had to pretend to read everyone’s lips, but Logan found he didn’t want to feel like he was missing out.

Julian had asked Ryan about it, once, when he thought Logan wasn’t paying attention. He’d been concerned that Logan was being excluded from the group. But Ryan just shook her head, turning a little to the side so Logan wouldn’t be able to see her face.

“He really doesn’t mind,” she said in a soft voice. “We were worried about that, at first. But I think he just likes being on the sidelines. He’ll have plenty to say if you text him about Dungeons and Dragons.”

Julian laughed. “Yeah, we’ve been texting. Not about DnD, but you know.”

When Ryan answered him, she sounded a little hesitant. “Yeah, well…we try to make it so he can be included if he wants to. He knows we’ll always accommodate him.”

Logan tried not to look like he was paying any attention to them, but he couldn’t help sneaking a glance in Julian’s direction. The other boy was smiling, looking Logan’s way, and Logan quickly ducked his head to hide the flush in his cheeks.

“That’s nice,” Julian said warmly, and Logan had to bite back a smile.

Predictably, Logan received a text from Ryan almost as soon as he reached his room that night. He sighed, waiting until he’d set aside his bag and kicked off his shoes before even unlocking his phone screen. Stretching out on top of his bed, he finally flicked open the notification, rolling his eyes as soon as he read the message.

**Ryan:** So you and Julian?

He typed out a response perhaps a little more forcefully than necessary.

**You:** Come on. It’s not like that.

 **Ryan:** Are you sure?

 **You:** Yes. We’re friends.

 **Ryan:** You’re sure that’s all?

 **You:** What, two guys can’t just be friends anymore? How many girl friends do you have?

 **Ryan:** That’s not what I meant.

 **You:** I told you, it isn’t like that. He’s cool, but we’re just friends.

Logan wasn’t lying, exactly. He liked Julian. He liked the conversations they had, the jokes Julian made, the way it felt like they’d known each other for years. He liked having a friend, and he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to try to ruin that by developing some stupid crush.

Besides, he doubted someone like Julian would be interested in someone who couldn’t even _talk_ to him.

After that, Ryan thankfully let the subject drop. She still teased Logan in the group chat, but never specifically about Julian. Julian did, however, occasionally join in on the teasing, which shocked Logan a little. He was starting to feel like a regular fixture in their group, almost like he’d been there from the beginning when they’d all started hanging out after freshman orientation.

But unlike the rest of the group, he also frequently texted Logan outside the chat.

**Julian:** so I went to that open mic night 🎤

 **You:** Oh yeah? How was it?

 **Julian:** pretty cool actually

 **Julian:** idk if ill join the club but it was fun

 **You:** That’s cool!

 **Julian:** 😊

 **Julian:** maybe I’ll read something at some point too 👀

 **You:** Some of your writing?

 **Julian:** yeah

 **Julian:** idk if it’s that good tho

 **You:** That’s fair. I bet it sucks.

Logan hesitated for a moment, hoping the sarcasm was plain enough over text, but thankfully Julian seemed to get the idea by now.

**Julian:** thanks 💜

 **Julian:** but it’s not like you’ve read it, so

 **You:** That’s true, I haven’t. What kind of stuff do you write, anyway?

The “typing” bubble stayed up for a long time before Julian’s response came in.

**Julian:** dont laugh

 **Julian:** poetry, mostly

Logan smiled. He wasn’t _surprised_ , exactly, but it was still a little unexpected.

**You:** Why would I laugh?

 **Julian:** idk cause its lame

 **You:** I already knew you were lame.

 **Julian:** 😢

He sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the edge. It was getting late. He should really start getting ready to sleep soon, but he kept getting distracted. Sure enough, just as he managed to scramble to his feet, he received another flurry of texts from Julian.

**Julian:** so I don’t think open mic is your scene

 **Julian:** but I am in the one act festival 🎭🎭🎭

 **Julian:** the saturday matinee is gonna have an interpreter

 **Julian:** tickets are free for students if you’d like to come 😊

Logan froze. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. No one had ever invited him to a campus event specifically because there would be interpreters there. Still, he did enjoy seeing Julian act, judging from the few times they’d done cold readings in their drama class. He supposed he could stand to get out and attend a campus event, for once.

Besides, it just so happened to be perfectly convenient for maintaining his cover story.

Admittedly, Logan was a little nervous about the idea. So far, he’d been able to avoid too many situations where it might end up being obvious that he wasn’t actually deaf. But he was starting to realize that it didn’t make sense to limit himself in order to maintain such an elaborate lie, so he decided to take his therapist’s advice for once and make an effort to do something out of his comfort zone. If something happened to poke holes in the story, well, he would just have to deal with that when it happened.

The plays, as it turned out, were pretty good. Each one was directed by one of the theatre seniors, and Logan recognized a few of the names from passing conversations. He was pretty sure the play Julian was in was directed by Reed’s stepbrother, and it ended up being one of the best in the series. As impressive as he’d been during the readings in class, Julian absolutely came to life on stage, embodying his character so completely that Logan almost forgot he was watching one of his friends perform. After the show, Logan forced himself to stick around, waiting in the lobby for the actors to come out and greet the audience.

As he expected, Julian had plenty of admirers there to see him. Logan hung back as they all lined up for hugs, watching Julian smile and laugh good-naturedly as he was showered with compliments on the performance. It took a while for him to notice Logan, but once the crowd started to thin out, their eyes met across the room, and Logan wondered if he was imagining the way Julian’s face lit up at the sight of him.

Slipping away from his friends, Julian wove across the room to where Logan was standing, shifting the bouquet of plastic daisies in his arms to clumsily sign _You’re here!_

Logan’s grin widened. He nodded, shaking his hand in the affirmative, and Julian slowed down a little as he approached. He paused, smile faltering a little, but finally he spread his arms wide as though waiting for something.

“Do you do hugs?”

Logan blinked, hesitating a moment. He wasn’t big on physical contact, but he didn’t exactly mind it either _._ And it seemed like Julian was _very_ into it. Slowly, Logan nodded, taking an awkward step forward and letting Julian’s arm fold around him. He patted him gently on the back, and Julian laughed, the sound reverberating through Logan’s chest.

When he pulled back, Julian’s hand lingered just slightly on Logan’s shoulder. Logan coughed, ducking his head as he stepped away. He looked up, forcing a smile. _Good job,_ he signed, and Julian beamed.

“Thanks for coming,” he said warmly, signing _Thank you_ with his free hand _._ Logan just grinned, fidgeting a little uncomfortably. Julian seemed to notice, and he held up his hand to mime typing on a phone as he whispered, “I’ll text you about it, yeah?”

Logan nodded, and Julian winked, clapping him once more on the shoulder before sauntering back toward the crowd to chat with his director.

Julian did, in fact, text Logan about it. He texted Logan about a lot of things, even as they started going into finals week and many of Logan’s other social activities began to wind down. Their study group, of course, still met frequently, but where before it had been an excuse to hang out while occasionally working on homework, it was now turning into a coffee-fueled group marathon to finish up term papers and review key concepts before exams. Logan spent nearly the entire time in the corner reading, only joining in briefly to compare notes with Julian before their Greek Drama final. Yet even as the semester drew to a close, the two of them still made time to chat nearly every night, going back and forth about whatever subject caught their fancy until one of them fell asleep.

Even with the way things had been going, a part of Logan expected to lose touch with his friends over the summer. They were no longer living together, after all, and while a few of them had plans to stay in the same dorm the next year they still had several months before they’d actually be together again. And in Logan’s case, he was back at his father’s house in Manhattan, where he was expected to speak when spoken to and act normal and respectable whenever others were present. He wasn’t sure how he was going to balance this new group of weirdos he’d found with the life he was being forced back into.

To his surprise, though, many of his new friends did keep in touch. Han was all too eager to keep their DnD games going, even adding a second weekly session for some of the more dedicated players. The study group chat was active sporadically, usually when Leaf or Shane shared a meme that sparked a brief conversation about their summer vacations. Even the GroupMe had occasional updates of someone sharing an inside joke or a callback to one of their bonding activities from the fall semester. And of course, there was Julian, whose messages to Logan were starting to include updates on his home life in addition to their usual chatter.

**Julian:** ugh this heat wave 🥵🥵🥵

 **You:** How bad is it?

 **Julian:** we’re being advised not to leave the house

 **You:** Oof.

 **Julian:** I just wanna go swimming 😡

 **You:** You have your own pool?

 **Julian:** yeah

You: Why am I not surprised 😛

 **Julian:** what, u don’t?

 **You:** I live in Manhattan.

 **Julian:** fair

 **You:** Though our Hamptons house has a pretty nice one.

 **Julian:** ahhhhh there it is

 **You:** Hush 😛

 **Julian:** rich boy 😜

 **You:** Don’t you live in Beverly Hills?

 **Julian:** santa monica tyvm 😤

 **You:** Ah, of course. That’s really roughing it.

It was fun, talking to Julian. It felt easy, like banter with an old friend. He didn’t have to worry about accidentally saying the wrong thing or pushing too far with the joking insults. There were few people he’d ever been this comfortable with, and one of them he had been friends with since kindergarten.

Logan’s friendship with Derek was the kind where they could go months at a time without seeing each other and still pick up right where they left off. It had been a necessary skill in the time before cell phones, and one that they carried with them even into college. Derek had some idea of what Logan’s new friendships were like—Logan had texted him when he’d realized that everyone at school thought he was deaf, and they’d talked a little about where that assumption came from. But they hadn’t actually hung out in person since they’d left home, and though it was easy enough to fall back into their old routines, it was painfully obvious that something was different now.

“You’re quiet,” Derek observed about an hour into playing video games at his parents’ house, setting down his controller and glancing over at Logan. Logan just blinked at him. He paused, as if waiting for a response, but when none came he nodded slowly, glancing back to the TV. “Right. Yeah.”

After a pause, Logan muttered, “S-sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Derek replied a little too quickly. He forced a tight smile. “If you don’t want to talk…”

He trailed off, and they both focused on the game for a moment. But Logan could tell he was still confused, and sure enough, a few seconds later he blurted out, “Is it the stutter?”

Logan sighed inwardly. “No,” he said quietly, setting down his controller in his lap. He turned the words over in his mind, trying to think of a way to articulate this. “I mean, it’s not j- _just_ that. I know you don’t care.”

“I don’t,” Derek echoed. “You’re my best friend. I’m not gonna judge you for some weird medication side effect.”

“I know.” Logan decided not to comment on the fact that he’d been stuttering since they were kids, it had just gotten worse as a result of the new medication. He reached for the back of his neck, running his hand through his hair. It was getting pretty long, he noticed. “I j-just…don’t like talking? Especially with new people, I guess. I’d rather listen first.”

“Well _that’s_ new,” Derek grumbled, but he cut himself off when he saw the look on Logan’s face. “Sorry, that’s…I didn’t mean that.”

“S’fine,” Logan mumbled, looking down at his lap.

“Look, it doesn’t matter,” Derek said quickly. “If you don’t like talking, you don’t like talking. It’s just a little…unexpected, I guess.”

Logan shrugged. Derek was right—the Logan he knew in high school was nothing like this. He’d been confident, loud and intimidating, not awkward and reserved. It wasn’t a surprise that Derek was a little confused by the seemingly sudden change.

“Isn’t that what college is about?” Logan said after a moment. He stared down at his hands, examining the chipped brown polish on his nails. “Becoming a…a new person?”

Derek flashed him a grin, raising an eyebrow. “And you chose to become a deaf nerd.”

There wasn’t any malice in the words, and Logan chuckled a little under his breath. “It works for me,” he said with a shrug.

Derek gave him a once-over, his eyes softening with something that wasn’t quite pity but was definitely a little concerned.

“I’m happy,” Logan added, a little more firmly. He picked absently at the polish on his thumbnail. “And I…haven’t been. In a while. So it works for me.”

Derek went quiet, and when Logan glanced over at him, there was a faint smile on his face.

“Okay,” he said softly. “That’s all that matters, then, I guess.”

Derek didn’t press the issue. He and Logan hung out a few more times over the summer, and he gradually got used to the idea of not communicating verbally as much when they did. They still texted, too, and Derek was always receptive to Logan’s many rants about how much he hated being at home.

But one night in late July, when Logan collapsed on his bed after a particularly rough day with his father and Michelle, he surprised himself by opening up a text not to Derek, but to Julian.

**You:** Distract me.

 **Julian:** …hello to u too?

 **You:** Sorry. Rough day. You busy?

 **Julian:** nah

 **Julian:** wanna talk about it?

 **You:** Not really.

Logan paused a moment, then sighed, quickly typing out another message.

**You:** It’s just my dad.

 **Julian:** oof 😕

 **Julian:** yeah, I get that.

 **You:** You too, huh?

 **Julian:** have u ever met a non-straight person who didn’t have issues w their father

That actually got a laugh out of Logan.

**You:** Point taken.

 **Julian:** so what’s your deal?

Logan hesitated. He wasn’t sure yet how much he was willing to reveal.

**You:** He’s…well. He kinda got stuck with me, you know? My mom left when I was a kid, and it’s like he didn’t actually want to be a father, but he had no choice, really.

 **Julian:** makes sense. yikes, I’m sorry 😞

 **You:** Yeah, well. Guess I’m a handful, so I can’t really blame them.

He set down the phone for a moment, reaching up to wipe angry tears out of his eyes. He swallowed thickly. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to count to ten, taking a deep breath. The last thing he needed was to break down again, even if he was safe in his room this time.

When he finally opened his eyes and glanced back down at his phone, though, he nearly smiled.

**Julian:** hey, I doubt that

 **Julian:** you’re pretty great

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he went to type out a reply.

**You:** Thanks, but unfortunately most people would disagree.

 **Julian:** well most people suck

 **Julian:** that’s a fact

 **You:** You’re not wrong.

 **Julian:** do you want to talk about it? because I get if you don’t, but it kinda seems like you do.

Logan exhaled sharply. Slowly, hie began to type, struggling to summarize everything in just a few words.

**You:** I’ve been thinking of changing my major.

 **You:** And absolutely everyone in my family is expecting me to go pre-law, so they were a little pissed.

 **Julian:** oh no

 **Julian:** change it to what?

 **You:** Philosophy. Which I could easily still do pre-law, but my father doesn’t understand why I would want to. He’s already mad enough about me taking too many electives that are “distracting” from my career goals. Or his career goals, really.

 **Julian:** well that’s not right

 **Julian:** it’s not his business

 **You:** It’s not, but he’s paying for it, so it kind of is.

 **Julian:** oof. good point.

 **Julian:** did you tell him you’re switching?

 **You:** I just said I was thinking about it.

 **Julian:** but you really want to

 **You:** Yeah, I do.

Julian’s “typing” bubble stayed up for a long time, disappearing a few times before any response showed up. Logan held his breath. He’d never had a conversation this serious with one of his college friends, and although Julian seemed more than willing to talk him through it, he was still a little nervous about whether he was going too far.

But when Julian’s reply finally came through, Logan felt a warmth in his chest that didn’t let up for the rest of the night.

**Julian:** I mean, I’m a performing arts major, so obviously I’m not exactly on the “respectable career” pathway myself. but there’s no point in studying something for four years if you aren’t enjoying it. especially if you’re going to law school either way, then it really doesn’t matter what you do in the first place, right? anyway, I’ve literally never seen you talk about political science with anything other than disdain. so if you like philosophy you should go for it. you love reading books by old white dudes. and you’re honestly probably smarter than most of them, anyway.

Logan wasn’t even sure how to respond. He typed out a few replies, but none of them quite expressed the depths of his appreciation. Finally, he settled for a simple “Thanks, that means a lot,” to which Julian responded with a heart emoji before immediately offering to take his mind off of things with some photos of his pet hedgehog. He diligently kept up the conversation well into the night, providing Logan with enough distractions that he nearly forgot about the argument with his father entirely. By the time Logan started to drift off, his fingers still curled around his phone on the pillowcase, the tightness in his chest had all but disappeared, and he fell asleep smiling.

He didn’t talk to Julian about his father any more after that. But he did start the process of switching majors, and by the time he returned to school in the fall, he almost felt like it might be something he could pull off.

The first few days back were a whirlwind of scheduling and rescheduling, of arguing with his father over his course selections and assuring him that he’d still have all of the necessary credits to be a competitive applicant for law schools once he graduated. But at the end of it all, he managed to declare a new major in philosophy with a minor in classics, and almost as soon as he finished the paperwork he was racing to text Julian.

**You:** I did it. I changed my major.

 **Julian:** !!!!!!!!!!!💜💜💜💜!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Julian:** wow congrats!! 🥳🥳🥳

 **Julian:** your dad’s okay w it??

 **You:** No, but he agreed to it.

 **Julian:** hey that’s all you need!!

 **You:** Honestly, yeah. I’m excited.

 **Julian:** 😊😊😊💕

Logan was grinning ear to ear as he headed back to his dorm, walking quite a bit faster than usual. He passed a few people in the lobby on his way upstairs, but he didn’t pay them any mind. As soon as he reached his room, he tossed his bag to the side and flopped down on his bed, getting ready to let the group chat know of his news.

Before he could start typing, though, he received a new message from Julian.

**Julian:** so, I know it’s probably not your scene at all, but you should celebrate 🥳 would you be interested in coming to a party this weekend? It’s at lambda, one of my friends is a brother. I think you’d like them actually.

Logan inhaled sharply. Julian was right—it wasn’t his scene at all. He’d never been to any kind of college party, least of all not a frat party. Still, he did know that Lambda had a reputation for being a smaller, nerdier frat, and Julian might have had a point about him liking them.

Before he could say anything, though, Julian sent another message.

**Julian:** it’s totally fine if not. I’d just really like to hang out sometime, if that’s alright.

Logan’s face flushed. Obviously, he knew that Julian wouldn’t invite him to a party if he didn’t want to hang out, but there was something about him saying it so plainly that made Logan reconsider. Finally, after a long moment, he slowly began typing a response.

**You:** Yeah, it isn’t really my scene, but I could be convinced. When is it?

Julian replied almost instantly with the information. Even over text, Logan could tell he was excited. It confused him a little. Was Julian really that eager to talk at Logan for hours only to get a few hand signs in return? Or maybe he was expecting to hang out for just a few minutes before moving on to other, more interesting conversation partners. Logan tried not to dwell on that thought too much. Still, it was in the back of his mind even as he left his dorm that Saturday night, slipping on his headphones in preparation for the walk across campus.

The Lambda house was one of the smallest on Fraternity Row, and Logan spotted it immediately by the brightly colored lights flashing in several of the windows. He took off his headphones, tucking them back into his bag, and braced himself one last time as he stepped up to the door. Two brothers stood at the front, and Logan briefly panicked over whether they would want to talk to him. Luckily, though, Julian seemed to have predicted his dilemma.

“Hey, he’s with me,” his voice sounded from inside the door, and Logan spotted him leaning against the inside wall, seemingly waiting for him. With the hand not currently holding a red Solo cup, he waved enthusiastically to Logan as he approached. Logan chuckled under his breath.

He stepped past the boys at the door, ducking his head as he entered the crowded room. But Julian immediately took his arm, leading him straight through the packed bodies on the first floor and up to a sticky-looking wooden staircase. Carefully, they ascended, Julian’s hand resting protectively on Logan’s arm.

Once they reached a more open space, Julian took a step to the side, catching Logan’s eye. _This way,_ he signed, and Logan followed him down the hall toward one of the rooms opposite them. This one had two name tags reading _Bailey_ and _Sebastian_ , and when Julian opened the door Logan’s eyes widened in shock as he realized that the room belonged to none other than Sebastian from the DnD group.

“Logan?” he laughed in surprise, spinning his chair toward the door.

“Hey, Jules, you made it!” A shorter boy—Bailey, Logan guessed—appeared from behind the door, arms outstretched. Julian embraced him eagerly, laughing, and when he pulled back he made sure to angle his body so he was facing Logan.

“I was waiting for this one,” he said loudly, gesturing to Logan, and Bailey flashed him a warm smile. Logan returned it with an awkward wave. “It’s his first frat party, so go easy on him.”

He didn’t make any mention of Logan being deaf. Logan wondered if he’d already told them.

Taking a few steps back toward the bar, Julian caught Logan’s eye and raised his hand in the sign for _Drink?_ Logan hesitated. He knew there was going to be alcohol, but he hadn’t decided yet if he wanted to partake. He hadn’t done much illicit drinking since his early high school party days, and he wasn’t sure he was eager to start again.

Still, he thought, looking around at the half-dozen or so boys scattered around the room, there were probably much worse environments to be drunk in.

He looked back to Julian, who was waiting expectantly. Smiling gently, he nodded, and Julian beamed. Logan surveyed the room carefully while Julian poured him a drink, and once his cup was in his hand, he drifted towards a sunken couch near the opposite wall. Julian joined him, taking a seat at the end of the couch so he could face Logan fully.

Julian watched as Logan took a sip of the drink, and when he lowered the cup, he signed, _Good_?

Logan nodded. He flashed Julian a warm smile, and Julian returned it, taking a swig of his own drink.

"You play DnD, right?" he said to Logan after a moment, and Logan's face flushed a little. He ducked his head, embarrassed, but he nodded. Julian chuckled a little under his breath. "I knew it. Wait, hold on." He squinted, pretending to size Logan up. Logan's brow furrowed. Julian pursed his lips, and after a moment, he said, "Paladin?"

Realizing what Julian was doing, Logan smiled and shook his head. Julian’s face folded. "Hmm,” he mused, exaggeratedly tapping his finger on his chin. “I’m thinking magic user for sure. Maybe you’re not the combat type. How about…Cleric?"

Logan's smile widened. He nodded, just slightly, and Julian pumped his fist. “Knew it! Yeah, god, that totally makes sense."

He paused to take a sip of his drink, and Logan took his chance. He cocked his head, gesturing towards Julian.

"Me?” Julian said with surprise, pointing to himself. “Oh, I don't play that often. I mean, I've dabbled, but..."

But before he could finish, Logan confidently raised his free hand, carefully spelling out B-A-R-D.

Julian laughed, shaking his head a little. "Okay. You've got me."

Logan grinned triumphantly.

“These guys,” Julian said, gesturing around the room. “They _love_ DnD. I’ve played with them a few times, but man, they get serious.”

Logan nodded, glancing over toward Sebastian. He was watching them with interest.

“He knows,” Sebastian drawled before Logan could sign anything. He glanced over at Julian with a smirk. “He’s in our Discord group.”

Julian looked surprised. “Oh, you two know each other?”

Logan nodded sharply, forcing a tight smile. Sebastian just smirked.

“I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting in person,” he said smoothly. Logan tried not to scowl.

“I always forget you’re in that group,” Bailey said casually from across the room. One of the boys next to him snorted.

“Only cause his boyfriend’s the DM,” he muttered, raising an eyebrow at Sebastian.

“Where is Han, anyway?” A tall Asian boy sitting in a sling chair in the corner suddenly spoke up, and when Logan glanced away he caught Julian watching him. His cheeks flushing a little, he quickly raised his drink to take a long sip.

“Do you drink much?” Julian said quietly, signing along as best he could. Logan wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. Julian grinned. “Well, no pressure of course. But they probably will play a drinking game pretty soon.”

Logan scanned the room, noticing Bailey rummaging through a cabinet for what looked like more cups and a few shot glasses. He turned back to Julian, shrugging his shoulders with a small smile.

“Gonna let loose a little, for once?” Julian whispered, his grin widening. “You _are_ celebrating, after all.”

He looked almost excited, and Logan chuckled a little under his breath.

 _Why not?_ he signed in response, raising his eyebrows mischievously.

Logan didn’t end up getting all that drunk that night. Julian, on the other hand, had apparently already had quite a bit by the time Logan arrived, and he continued pouring drinks for far longer than was probably advisable. He was having a great time, dancing and playing games and laughing at just about everything. He also didn’t leave Logan’s side the entire night.

Once the party had worn down and it became clear that it was time for them to leave, Julian was all but draped over Logan’s shoulder, giggling quietly to himself as he held on for support. Bailey was kind enough to escort them to the door, instructing Logan to take Julian home and get him some water before he passed out. He nodded obediently, flashing Bailey a warm grin, and Bailey clapped him genially on the back as he ushered them out the door.

The night breeze was cool against Logan’s face, and Julian shivered a little, snuggling closer to his side. Logan chuckled. He wrapped an arm around Julian’s waist, helping him down the stairs at the front of the house.

“Thank you,” Julian muttered, his words a little slurred. “That was nice. You’re so nice.”

Logan just laughed.

They ambled across campus, Logan helping Julian along, and the silence between them was comfortable. Occasionally, Julian made a small noise of displeasure, but he didn’t make any effort to say anything to Logan. He figured once they got back to the dorm, he would get Julian some water and then check in to see if he needed anything else.

But just as they were reaching Logan’s side of campus, Julian started to speak.

“That was so fun,” he said with a giggle, and Logan smiled. “You’re so much fun. I’m so glad you came out.”

Logan’s cheeks turned a little pink.

“I like hanging out with you,” Julian continued, leaning a little more into Logan’s side. “In person, I mean. I mean, I like texting you, texting is fun, you’re fun to text. You’re so smart. So smart, like, wow. You know so many things.”

Logan felt his cheeks heating up. He had no idea where any of this was coming from, nor the slightest clue how to respond to it.

“…but I like you in person too,” Julian went on, stumbling a little as they walked. “Even if I can’t talk to you. Or it…it’s harder. In person. Cause you can’t hear me.”

Slowly, Logan realized what was going on. Julian was monologuing at him from where he stood at his side. Logan couldn’t see his face at all. Julian had no idea he was listening, or that he even knew Julian was talking. This was all Julian talking to himself.

For the first time, Logan wanted to say something. But he found that he couldn’t get his voice to work.

“But I wish…wish you could,” Julian continued, completely unaware that he had an audience. “Or that we could talk. Somehow. Cause I like talking to you. And you’re nice to hang out with. Nice to look at.” At that, Julian burst into a round of giggles, and Logan’s face felt like it was on fire. Julian sighed. “I like you,” he muttered, his arm wrapping tighter around Logan’s. “A lot. Like, a lot a lot. And…wow, this feels _dumb_. I’m so dumb. But I’m too scared to say it to your face.”

Logan froze. Julian stumbled when they came to a stop, and he made a small noise of confusion. But Logan just stood there, stock-still, and when Julian looked up at him his mouth fell open in shock.

“I—“ Logan stammered, and Julian’s face dropped. “I can…I can hear you.”

Julian stared. His eyes were wide, staring at Logan blankly like he was out of focus. Logan swallowed hard. His heart pounded in his chest, and for a moment he worried he might pass out.

But then Julian swayed a little, and when Logan reached out to steady him, he twisted in his arms and vomited in the grass.

Logan made a small, pained noise, and wound his arm around Julian’s waist. He tried to help him up, but Julian fought him, wriggling out of his grasp with a whine. He stumbled back, throwing out his arms to steady himself, and looked back up at Logan with wild eyes.

“I—“ Logan said, his voice rough. “W-w-wait…I d-don’t…”

But Julian just shook his head, backing away. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “Oh god, I’m sorry, you weren’t…you weren’t supposed to…”

“J-J-J—“

Before Logan could get his name out, Julian was already turning away, still unsteady on his feet as he tried to run. Logan thought about chasing after him, but he figured the damage was done. It was obvious Julian didn’t want to talk, and Logan figured he couldn’t right now even if he tried.

So he turned back, heading towards his own dorm, and tried to get through to Julian the only way he knew how.

**You:** I’m sorry.

 **You:** Look, I can explain this, I swear. Please just talk to me.

 **You:** I shouldn’t have done that.

 **You:** Listen, it’s kind of a really long story, but I swear, I didn’t mean for this to happen.

 **You:** For what it’s worth, I had a really good time.

 **You:** I’m not mad. I get it if you are, though. I'm so sorry.

 **You:** Julian, please, just talk to me.

After an hour of failed attempts, Logan sighed, finally giving up on getting a response that night. He tossed his phone onto the nightstand, rolling over with a groan. Scrubbing his hand over his face, he tried to settle in, willing himself to fall asleep despite the awful twisting feeling in his gut. Barely ten minutes had passed before he sighed and reached for his phone again, pulling up Julian’s conversation before he could stop himself.

**You:** Drink some water before you go to sleep, okay?

Then, finally, he let his phone drop, falling back against the pillows with a miserable look.

It was a miracle he got any sleep that night. But when he woke up, it was light out, and despite the pounding in his head he felt a little less horrible when he looked at his phone and saw two new notifications.

**Julian:** I had water.

 **Julian:** I’m not mad.

Dragging himself up to a sitting position, he stared at the messages, trying to think of anything he could say. But after coming up blank, he realized that this was something they would have to settle in person.

**You:** Any chance you’re not too hungover for coffee?

He almost didn’t expect a response. But when his phone buzzed almost a full minute later, his heart nearly leapt out of his chest.

**Julian:** Coffee sounds great.

Standing in line at the campus coffee shop, Logan couldn’t stop moving. He tapped his fingers nervously on his thigh, which turned into flapping his hands against each other, which turned into wringing them when he realized some upperclassmen were giving him weird looks. Once he had his drink in hand, he sat down at a two-person table near the back and shoved his free hand between his knees. His leg bouncing uncontrollably, he sipped at his coffee, eyes flicking nervously around the room.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally spotted Julian, slinking in the side door in an oversized hoodie and dark sunglasses. In spite of himself, Logan smiled a little. He caught Julian’s eye, greeting him with a small wave, and Julian’s answering smile was tired but sincere.

He made his way over to the table a few minutes later with a large iced coffee in hand. Logan raised an eyebrow at the pale beige color, and Julian shrugged.

“I drank water,” he said, sliding into the seat opposite Logan. “I feel okay. Just a headache.”

Logan nodded. “Good,” he said, and Julian froze with the straw halfway to his lips.

“God, it’s weird hearing your voice.”

Logan grimaced. “S-sorry,” he muttered, but Julian was already shaking his head.

“No, it’s…it’s not bad. Just different.”

They sat in silence for a moment, both taking slow sips of their coffee. Finally, Julian cleared his throat.

“So about…what I said.”

Logan looked up in surprise. He’d been expecting to be confronted about his lie, but it seemed Julian’s thoughts were somewhere else.

“Can we just forget that happened? It’s…I was really drunk, and I _definitely_ didn’t think you could hear me, and…”

“Hey,” Logan interrupted, and Julian cut himself off instantly. He tried for a reassuring smile. “It’s f-fine. I-I-I…” He paused, pursing his lips, and took a deep breath. Slowly, he tried again. “I’m not upset. I actually…”

He trailed off. Julian’s face folded a little, but he leaned forward, setting his coffee down in front of him.

“Why’d you pretend you were deaf?”

His tone wasn’t accusatory. He seemed genuinely curious. Logan sighed, glancing down at his hands and picking at a nail.

“I didn’t,” he muttered. “Not at f-first. Everyone just…assumed.”

“Because you don’t talk,” Julian filled in. Logan nodded. When he looked up, Julian was smiling softly. “That makes sense, actually.”

This time, it was Logan’s turn to look confused. “Really?”

“I mean, it’s not like you ever _said_ you were deaf.” Julian glanced down at his hands, and he laughed a little under his breath. “You go to classes like everyone else. Hell, you listen to music all the time. I’m surprised no one’s ever questioned it.”

Logan chuckled. “That’s f-fair.”

Julian sipped his coffee thoughtfully. “I thought it was kinda weird that everyone always talked for you,” he mused, swirling the straw around with his finger. “I assumed they weren’t sure what to do with you. You’re really fine with just sitting on the sidelines?”

“Yeah,” Logan said with a shrug. “It’s not th-them. They’re great. I j-j-just…”

Julian nodded contemplatively. He met Logan’s eyes, his gaze soft. “Would you rather go back to texting?”

Logan frowned. “What?”

“Right now,” Julian clarified. He looked down at his coffee. “I know I…I said I wished I could talk to you, and I do, but if you don’t want to use your voice…” He looked up with a soft smile, and Logan noticed that his cheeks were a little pink. “We could just text, but here. In person.”

Logan blinked. He hadn’t really thought of that before.

“Okay,” he said in surprise, and Julian’s smile widened. He dug out his phone, and Logan followed suit, his hands shaking a little as he set them down on the table in front of him. He watched Julian typing, and a moment later, the message popped up on his phone.

**Julian:** alright, talk to me 🗣

Logan grinned. He started typing a response, and when he snuck a glance up at Julian, the other boy was watching him with a look of amusement.

**You:** This is nice.

He reached for his coffee, taking a sip as Julian typed another message.

**Julian:** I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before tbh

 **You:** Well, there you go. Now we can actually hang out.

He snuck another glance at Julian while he was typing, and smiled when he saw that his cheeks were still tinged pink.

**Julian:** that’d be cool 😎

Trying to ignore the way his heart was racing, Logan ducked his head, typing out a response. His finger hovered briefly over the _Send_ button before he forced himself to press it.

**You:** You really think I’m nice to look at?

Julian’s face flushed almost immediately. Logan tried to bite back a smile. He hid behind his coffee cup while Julian typed, eyes flicking between his face and his hands.

**Julian:** really, can we pretend I didn’t say that, that was so stupid

Logan couldn’t hold back a smile as he quickly typed a reply.

**You:** Don’t say that.  
 **You:** It was actually really sweet.

When he looked up, Julian was even redder, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Logan’s smile widened. He didn’t take his eyes off Julian as he slowly looked down and started typing.

**Julian:** really?

Logan grinned, replying as quickly as he could.

**You:** Yeah. I didn’t realize you liked me that much.

 **Julian:** oh god this IS embarrassing

 **You:** No, it’s okay. Really.

 **Julian:** ugh

 **Julian:** okay

 **Julian:** yes, I like you

He looked up. Julian looked miserable, his knuckles almost white from how tightly he was gripping his phone. Logan tried to give him a reassuring look.

“I like you too,” he muttered, and Julian’s breath hitched.

“Oh,” he whispered, and Logan almost laughed. He glanced back down at his phone.

**You:** You’re surprised?

 **Julian:** yeah

 **Julian:** I mean, yeah, wtf

 **You:** What do you mean?

 **Julian:** idk I just didn’t think you’d be interested

Logan shot him an incredulous look, and Julian bit his lip. He shrugged. “You never…seemed like you were?” he mumbled. Logan just shook his head, fingers flying over the keypad.

**You:** You know you’re hot right? Like, beyond normal people hot. Celebrity hot.

Julian scoffed, and he looked like he was about to say something, but Logan was still typing.

**You:** You’re genuinely one of my closest friends. I don’t exactly talk to many people here about my dad, you know. But I feel like I can talk to you about pretty much anything. I really like that. I like talking to you.

 **You:** And I know I only ever “talk” over text, and that’s probably really weird for you, but I like hanging out with you too. You’re funny and talented and there’s something about being around you that’s just…I don’t know. You make me happy, is what I’m saying.

He waited a moment for Julian to finish reading, smiling a little as his blush deepened at Logan’s words. When he looked up, meeting Logan’s eyes, he looked a little awestruck, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. Logan’s face flushed, but he did his best to hold the eye contact, smiling gently. Slowly, Julian returned it, laughing slightly under his breath.

“Do you,” Julian started, his voice a little thick. He swallowed hard. “Can we go somewhere more private?”

Logan grinned. A thought suddenly occurred to him, and he nodded, grabbing his coffee and slinging his bag over his shoulder. Julian stood up, coughing uncomfortably, and Logan followed him through the rows of tables and out to the side door. As they stepped outside and started on the walkway away from the coffee shop, he took a deep breath, surging forward before he could stop himself and carefully taking Julian’s hand in his.

“Logan,” Julian muttered once they were in a more secluded area of campus. Logan snuck a glance over, and when he saw Julian’s fond smile his heart skipped a beat. “You make me happy, too. And I do love talking to you, and I think you’re smart and funny and I love your rants about literature—” He paused, and Logan felt his face flush. “But I don’t care if you don’t want to speak. I liked texting like that, that was cool and all, but…I really just like being with you.”

Logan ducked his head. He didn’t know what to say, so he just stroked Julian’s hand gently with his thumb, hoping that was enough. It seemed to be. Julian had said all that about him before he even knew he _could_ speak. It didn’t seem to matter to him that Logan didn’t want to.

Still, though, Logan felt like he needed to say more. So he tugged Julian’s hand gently, leading him down the walkway to a place where he’d be able to express his thoughts in more than words.

Logan had discovered the old basement by accident one night, when he’d been wandering aimlessly in search of any place that was open to students at such a late hour. If he didn’t know better, he might think the building was abandoned, considering how little it was used. But that disuse ended up working to Logan’s advantage.

Julian looked a little confused as Logan dragged him around to the back entrance, but he followed, carefully descending the stone staircase with his hand still in Logan’s. They slipped in through a small door and went down a long, empty hallway, until they finally reached their destination and Julian gasped softly.

In the middle of a classroom that looked like it hadn’t been used in years was a massive grand piano, its lid still lifted from the last time Logan had played it.

“Oh,” Julian breathed. He looked over toward Logan in surprise. “You play?”

Logan squeezed his hand, leading him over toward the bench. Julian sat down next to him, still looking a little awestruck. Releasing Julian’s hand, Logan ran his fingers over the keys, settling in at the center of the bench. He cleared his throat, avoiding Julian’s eyes.

“It probably won’t s-sound very good,” he murmured. “It’s been a while.”

Logan had been down here just a few days prior, practicing symphonies in the dead of night when he couldn’t sleep. But it wasn’t the piano he was talking about.

Before Julian could say anything, Logan started to play, and over the sound of the chords he could hear Julian gasp when he opened his mouth to sing.

_You hate that I usually don't open up_

_I know when I say it, it don’t say enough_

_With you close I'm the happiest I ever was_

_I tend to avoid getting emotional_

_I'm not shutting you out_

_It's just the way I'm born_

_But I see myself next to you until we're old_

Suddenly, Logan felt Julian’s hand on his lower back, and he trailed off, looking over at him with a shy smile. Julian’s eyes were shining, his mouth falling open in awe. He stared at Logan wordlessly for a long moment. But before Logan had the chance to speak, Julian leaned in, closing the distance between them.

Julian’s lips were soft, and Logan sighed against them, leaning into the kiss. His hand slid around Logan’s waist, pulling him in closer, the other coming to rest on his thigh. Logan let one hand drop from the piano to lay atop Julian’s, squeezing gently as he deepened the kiss. Julian made a small noise of contentment.

When they finally broke apart, both breathless, Logan’s smile was instantaneous. Julian copied him, grinning ear to ear as he pulled back just enough to look Logan in the eyes. His gaze flicked down, and his smile widened, one hand reaching up to caress Logan’s cheek.

“You have dimples,” he said quietly, and Logan’s face flushed. “I’ve never seen those before.”

Logan ducked his head, moving away from Julian’s touch. “Yeah,” he murmured, staring down at the piano keys. “They don’t…show much, I guess.”

Julian’s arm wrapped around Logan’s shoulders, their bodies pressed flush together. Logan felt warm all over, though it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

“That was beautiful,” Julian said quietly. “I… _wow._ I had no idea you could sing.”

Logan chuckled. He ran his fingertips gently over the keys, staring at the shiny ivory.

“I used to,” he murmured. “Haven’t in a long time.”

When he finally looked up, Julian was beaming, and the warmth in his eyes made Logan’s heart swell.

“Beautiful,” he repeated, and he leaned in to kiss Logan again.

* * *

**_Epilogue_ **

The afternoon sun was warm at Logan’s window, bathing his nest of pillows and blankets in a soft golden glow. It reflected beautifully off of Julian’s deep brown curls, splayed out over Logan’s chest where his head rested in the crook of his arm. Logan smiled, reaching up to run his fingers through them.

“…and so I told them I could join them for a short campaign, but I’m really not that experienced, so I don’t know if I…mm,” he murmured, cutting himself off with a pleased sound as Logan’s hand tangled in his hair. He shifted a little, twisting around to look up at him through his lashes. “Are you even listening?”

His tone was playful, far from actually angry, and Logan chuckled. With the hand not currently stroking Julian’s hair, he tapped out a response on his phone.

_I was. But you’re very distracting._

Julian chuckled, snuggling in closer to Logan. His arm snaked around his waist, and Logan’s thumb brushed gently over his wrist.

“Sorry,” Julian murmured, not sounding sorry at all.

Setting the phone face down on his lap, Logan adjusted his hold on Julian, tucking his head closer into his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to Julian’s hair, and Julian hummed contentedly.

“I love you,” Logan murmured softly, and his smile widened when he heard Julian’s breath catch in his throat.

Logan still didn’t use his voice much, even to Julian. But that just made it all the more special when he did.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Logan sings: [Love You Like That - Dagny](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnQBqinwlwQ)
> 
> The song the title is based on: [Don't Need Words - Lone Tusker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVBJNqvRs9c)


End file.
